Try & Try Again

March 30th, 2017 I took a pregnancy test after Nicholas had left for work. I spent all day trying to figure out how I was going to tell him it was finally positive, that we were actually going to be parents! At this point we had been trying to have a baby naturally for almost two years.

After years of no “accidents” we wondered what was actually going on. My doctor had me start tracking my period and taking ovulation tests every month. After many tests, and a ton of doctors visits we had finally figured out what was going on. We were told we were having fertility issues, and that we have a very small chance of getting pregnant naturally. We were told we would need to look into IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) or IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) in order to get pregnant. Our doctor put us on some medication, and we decided to go with the flow again and see if maybe, POSSIBLY, we might be able to get pregnant naturally. We tried for another 8 months, and with no success we decided to go back to our infertility doctor, and try next steps.

We went in and had IUI done in March 2017. We had high hopes, and tried to stay as positive as possible. We had an appointment for a pregnancy blood test scheduled for March 31st. This was literally the longest two weeks of our lives. I started taking pregnancy tests maybe 3 or 4 days after we had the procedure done (even though the doctor instructed us not to do that). Every single test was negative.. I started to lose my hope, Nicholas even started hiding all of my pregnancy tests so that I couldn’t take them anymore. Well the joke was on him, because at the very back of our cabinet I found one.

In the year or so leading up to this point it was so hard for me to see babies, pregnancy announcements, it was even hard for me to see a stranger with a new born baby. My husband would tell you that I’ve always wanted to a be a mom, and when we found out it was going to be a little harder for us to have a baby I was devastated. It was hard for a little. I cried a lot. Every time I even heard the word “pregnant” I was thrown into this downward spiral of emotions. I couldn’t handle it. So you could only imagine the excitement and happiness that I felt when I finally saw two pink lines on that stick.

I told Nicholas it was positive after I got home from work that day. He got off a few hours earlier than me so I shoved the positive pregnancy test in my purse, and took it to work with me that morning. When I got home I gave him a piece of paper with the test rolled up in it. It said “Thank you for never giving up on me. I can’t wait to meet you! Daddy to be 2017”.

We went in the next day, I had my blood drawn, and they called me later that afternoon to let me know that I was in fact pregnant. I went in the next week for another blood test to make sure my hCG levels were still rising, they were. At this point we scheduled an ultrasound for the 25th of April.. again another long few weeks.

We were excited for our first ultrasound, but nervous. We were told that with doing either IUI or IVF we were at higher risk of multiples. We had prepared ourselves for the possibility of twins, if we were lucky enough, but nothing prepared us for what we actually heard.

The doctor was asking me how I was doing. How I felt, any nausea or anything. I told her only a little nausea, but I was exhausted everyday. When she turned and looked at us she said “Well, it looks like there are two reasons for that.” Nicholas and I looked at each other and I asked “Are you saying there are two babies in there!?” At this point she didn’t answer my question. She went quiet. I asked her twice what was going on, “What is wrong with our babies?” That’s when she said “Nothing is wrong, but it looks like there are three in there.” After this I don’t really remember much. I know that I was sobbing as she was trying to get photos of these babies, and Nicholas was in shock.

We called our families once we finally calmed down, and let them all know what they had found. Nicholas’ parents drove up from Myrtle Creek that evening to talk with us, and give us a little more of a positive outlook on things. It’s amazing how fast your brain goes from being so excited about something to automatically thinking about the things that have to change and what you have to give up. I remember the first thing Nicholas saying after the ultrasound was “How are we going to fit three kids in the FJ?! We literally just bought our FJ! I am NOT selling the FJ!” (That was the new car we had bought in October.) The best advice we were given that week was to not think about those things. We can’t jump in and start talking about finding a new place to live, getting a new car, daycare, or financials. We just needed to go with the flow for a few months, let things settle down, and then think about those things.

Our babies are the biggest blessing of our life. They are a gift from God. I’m 22 weeks pregnant now, and things haven’t gone as easy as we expected them to, but the one thing that I can say is that this pregnancy has brought us closer together. I think we know more about each other and our emotions now then we have in the last 9 years of our relationship. I’m blessed to have such an amazing, and supportive husband, and I can definitely say I have fallen more in love with him. Especially being able to see him as a father figure, even though the babies are still in utero. I cannot wait to see him grow as a father, husband, and a role model. We have started an amazing journey, and it should be our greatest one yet.

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